If they only knew...

If they only knew how hard I try to be normal. How I try to keep up with them shopping and how the whole time I am telling myself "I can do it" and agonizing over each step. But also how I appreciate each moment cause someday that may be gone as well. 

If they only knew how I push myself to get out of bed when its just about the hardest thing I have ever done just, because I enjoy spending time with them. 

If they only knew how I stress about the fact I am not out there making meals, doing laundry, and keeping the house clean 

If they only knew how I make an effort to walk normal, so I wont embarrass them. 

If they only knew I really dont have what it takes to stay employed. But I have to hang on as long as possible, so they can have the things that make them comfortable. 

If they only knew how hard it is to keep anything straight with fibro fog. 

If they only knew I feel unworthy because I dont do that much for them anymore... 

If they only knew...... the only reason I live....... is for them...........my family.